i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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