we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't deserve a penis
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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