Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
