I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
