there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
