she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
