i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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