I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I need to calm my uterus...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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