I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
false alarm. still invincible.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!