You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night