I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS