I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?