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I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
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