Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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