oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
