he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We don't watch enough power rangers
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
