Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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