Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
