I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
