Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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