I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
FUCK WHALES
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize