Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum