I have demons in me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize