I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
