You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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