she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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