I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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