we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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