with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
