Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
how drunk are you?
Several
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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