I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.