remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE