If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.