Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.