I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
