Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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