some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
