I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
