I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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