somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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