I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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