I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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