Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
