I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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