I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
