Your tits are I can't wait for
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
