I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
