I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
