Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
