I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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