Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
