i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
