The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
