He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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