Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
