I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize