I am puke
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.