i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.