If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow